Snow is coming...again.

Each time the roads and sidewalks finally lay bare their cement and asphalt bodies from beneath the cloak of snow, the weather people start forecasting.

Starting Fresh

At the end of this month we will be changing residence. We've found a two-bedroom apartment for a comparable price about 15 minutes from where we are now. It's the upstairs of an 1899 carriage house. We're pretty excited to leave behind our creaky place and noisy upstairs neighbors. We're optimistic that this change will be positive all around. And lucky Jeremy will now be only a mile from his work!

Moving inevitably causes me to ponder my overflowing library of books. What can I live without? What books haven't I read and figure their one-time reads anyway? We have a constant battle to keep books at bay. I'll be parting with a couple stacks and hope I won't regret their empty spots on my shelf. Those spots won't stay empty for long though, they never do.

Acceptance

So often I wish I could change my personality. Of course I know this is logically impossible. And I also know this discontentment with how God created me isn't healthy or honoring of Him. I don't want to think this way, but I find the thoughts creeping in over and over.

At 28 I can still be crippled by shyness. And, with a year and a half of continual changes and adjustments to marriage, a new city, 2 churches, 3 jobs, apartment living, and trying to make friends, I've grown weary of my inability to overcome this shyness. I let fear of embarrassment and assumption that people don't really care, hold me back from talking and letting people get to know me. I've always been this way, but as an adult, I imagine it looks worse than as a shy kid. Literally, Jeremy and I can go to social events and I say almost nothing after the "hello, how are you" start.

I long to be more outgoing, to not second-guess every word I think about saying (and usually decide not to say). It's so hard for me not to compare myself to the bubbly, easy-going girls I see all over the place. I envy them. They seem to enjoy everything more fully. They can converse and laugh and participate without having to open their mouths around the molasses feelings of shyness and then agonize over what they just said. They have their troubles too, I'm sure. But today, if I could choose, I'd like to be the happy, outgoing, easy-going, optimistic kind of girl.

Will I ever learn to really accept that God made me as the quieter, more observant, shy kind of girl and that's okay too?

The Groundhog Has Spoken...

there will be 6 more weeks of winter.

As I drove to work on freshly snowy roads this morning, I'm not the least surprised.

Food Thoughts

I made some gluten-free blueberry muffins yesterday that were tasty. My husband said they were "De-licious." From him, this is exceptionally high praise as he doesn't care for many baked goods anyway.

A couple weeks ago I experimented with a quinoa risotto. Everything I read says that quinoa is very healthy and great on a gf diet. But, the couple times I've made it, we've both thought it was just okay. The "risotto" though, was very good, with mushrooms and Parmesan cheese. Mmm.

Around Christmas time I made some fudge and Jeremy and I both brought it to work to share. My co-workers raved about it (I didn't think it was as tasty as my grandma's awesome fudge! But, it was pretty good). Anyway, I participated in my workplaces Secret Pal exchange throughout this year and tonight was the big "Reveal". I whipped up some fudge last night to give to my secret pal. She squealed tonight when she opened the box and said she wouldn't be sharing any of it. :)

One of these days I'll actually get onto a good schedule with cooking.

The local farmer's market (year round!) has organic free-range eggs $2/dozen, which makes me happy.

Jesus is here with us now.

The start to this year has been challenging. I alluded to this in my previous post.
In the past week and a half I've been especially reminded of the fragility of life. The earthquakes in Haiti are a major example. But, a little closer to home for me have been the call that a beloved neighbor suddenly passed away; that a patron at my library works at a school where a 3rd-grader collapsed and died in gym last week; that a police officer and his k9 companion from my community were hit and killed last week and from the window of my gym I watched the police car parade driving to his funeral; that the secretary of the English department at my private university was recently diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor and for many reasons is letting the cancer take its course; that the manager of the bookstore where Jeremy and I met just found out her cancer has returned.
After hearing about my former boss--someone Jeremy and I both love very much--I cried last night. It's just so much to take in. I can't even fathom what the families of these people are going through. I know that God is in control and that is my comfort. He is my peace. Jeremy said to me last night, "Jesus is with Chris (our boss) right now. Jesus is here with us right now. And He's going to keep being with us."

Never Catching Up

So, Christmas and New Year have passed, but I still feel like I'm playing catch-up. And if you were to pick a winner in the battle between me and house, don't pick me.
Last week started my new schedule--28 hours. I've been working 20 hours at the library and my boss approached me back in November asking me if I'd be interested in picking up 8 more hours a week at the start of the year and spend those 8 hours working in the children's department. I definitely didn't turn the offer down!
However, and I feel pretty ridiculous even saying this, those 8 extra hours have been my undoing! It's absurd because many other people have so much more going on and they hold it together. Right now, I'm not. I have not lost hope. I will get there, but motivation is really low because I can't seem to see much progress anywhere in the house. The clutter around me is slowly driving me crazy. I'm thankful for our apartment. It's a decent size and it's full of light, but I've completely run out of places to put things and I can't figure out what to get rid of. So, each day I try to do something--a load of laundry, ironing, cleaning the bathroom, going thru mail--and by the time I cycle back around each task needs done again.
Work and meals on the table (and packed lunches) are my top priority, I suppose (except, of course, my husband who takes precedence over those). And there has been fairly healthy 3-meals a day happening around here. So today, I'll focus on that.