Not a happy ending...

Tonight I went to see Into the Wild. I had free tickets from work. I own, the book the movie was based on, but as of yet have not read it. Therefore, I didn't really know much about the story, except that it was a true adventure. As the movie neared the end I started to tense realizing it wasn't going to turn out how I wanted. My mind watched the story and then added it's own between the lines narrative trying to make everything work out: Okay, he's weak right now, but he's going to find food, he's going to be able to kill a squirrel or something. The river will go down and he'll be able to cross. The belt he keeps putting new holes in is going to be a souvenir when he gets back to people. Now, Now, Now someone is surely going to come. The final scene was heightened with a beating heart reverberating through the silent scenes on the screen. I felt the beating almost like it was my own heart. A heavyness swept over me at the conclusion of the film. I wanted to cry for the wasted life of a young man. He set out to discover something, and he did, but there was no one to share it with. I won't spoil the whole movie if you're inclined to see it. And don't let me persuade you that it's not worth seeing, it was a good movie, a little hard to watch. I often find myself expected the Hollywood happy endings. Tonight I didn't get that.

Baby Steps

I've heard it said that it takes 3 weeks to make something a habit. I don't disagree with this thought, but in my experience there are steps that precede even starting the 3 weeks of habit building. First comes the knowledge that a particular change needs to be made. Then several days/weeks/months pass where the idea of change flits in and out of the mind with growing frequency. At some point in this process the person begins to talk to peers about how they are planning to make this change in their life. Finally after significant toil of the mind, the person breaks down and actually starts incorporating the change. Often there are setbacks as the 3 weeks aren't quite reached and then there is the reverting back to the start of those weeks. This can be quite a drudge.

For a while now I've been in the thinking/talking stage of forming habits. I know I need to exercise several times a week and I've flirted with the habit for the past several months. Now that the weather is finally turning, I know I'm going to need to find another form of exercise besides walking outside, otherwise I'll leave off exercising all winter because I won't want to brave the cold. To this end I purchased an exercise ball a couple months back. It's been sitting in my closet in the box. Tonight I made the baby step of actually blowing up the ball so I can see it sitting in my room. Maybe this will encourage me to make use of it and start down the path of the habit-forming 3 weeks.

Casualties and Rewards

Casualties of working a Friday evening:
~one lost earring
~7 minutes of unpaid time because customers wouldn't leave
~missing out on yet another social event

Rewards of working a Friday evening:
~one $10 gift card as a thank-you for helping with a display
~chips and salsa on the store
~one torn book taped back together and brought home free for book club next month

And so follows the ebb and flow of the retail life.

Here's to Birthdays and October!

I turned a year older on Friday. 26 seems so much older than 25. But I think if one must turn 26, it is best to be done in October. I've long believed October to be one of the best, if not the best month of the year (and honestly, this has nothing to do with my birthday being in said month). I love the cool evenings following warmish days, the crunch of drying leaves on the pavement, the colors of trees turning, the canopy of stars illuminated in the night sky. October is autumn.

My birthday includes the additional celebration of my little sister's birthday as well. She appeared in the world on my 7th birthday and for 19 years we've been sharing our day. As we've grown, Margaret and I have tried to come to mutual agreement on our birthday meal instead of asking Mom to prepare two meals. Today Mom outdid herself in preparing the birthday meal for 16--Italian salad, Italian herb bread, stuffed shells, Parmesan chicken strips, sauteed vegetables, followed by carrot cake and angel food cake with lemon sauce.

I felt ambivalent about celebrating this year, but my family gave me the give me a break look and then showered me with gifts and birthday wishes and I have to admit that I rather enjoyed it.

Now, I can sit back and enjoy the rest of October and autumn and not think about turning 27 for several more months.

I am not a particularly learned poetess, but I do enjoy poetry and Emily Dickinson wrote a beautiful poem about autumn. It makes me want to raise a glass to the subtle, gorgeous transformation of nature.

XXVIII
The morns are meeker than they were,
The nuts are getting brown;
The berry's cheek is plumper,
The rose is out of town.

The maple wears a gayer scarf,
The fields a scarlet gown.
Lest I should be old-fashioned,
I'll put a trinket on.

Finally I join the blogging world...

For over a year now I've considered starting a blog and I've received numerous encouragements from family. But I've struggled with one particular hang-up--the title. Finally last week I settled on the above string of words. I've pondered long what I'll write about and knowing me, it will be all over the place as I observe and experience the day-to-day. I do know this about life, it has truth, angles, ideas, and sometimes even happily ever afters. Thus, my title. And now I am here.