Looking Back, Looking Forward

When I wake up tomorrow morning I will no longer be in my 20s. The approach of another decade has weighed on me throughout this year. And while October is my favorite month, the beauty of it's been a bit skewed this year as I emotionally adjust. This morning Jeremy prayed that I would learn to be comfortable with me age. I know that I will, but for a just a little while I'm going to mourn the passing of my 20s.

I look at my life and feel like I've let myself down because I haven't accomplished enough of anything to count for how many years I've lived. I suppose this isn't really true because accomplishments can be very quiet and unassuming, but it is difficult for me not to compare myself to all those around me and fear that I am falling short.

This past week's been frustrating at work because of little things. Last Wednesday a 9-year-old girl asked me what was wrong with my cheek. I am daily frustrated and embarrassed by the fact that at my age I still struggle with acne. The nature of it has changed and it has definitely improved, but still it is there. Always. I've taken the approach of trying to pretend to myself that others don't see it. But then a kid comes along and essentially points a finger at my face and says, "That's ugly. What's the problem with you?" Now, in truth this girl just asked me like three times what was wrong with my cheek and after vaguely trying to answer, getting more embarrassed and the girl just not getting it, I finally looked at her and said, "It's really not polite to keep asking." But, oh to be reminded of my imperfections!

Then yesterday afternoon when I got to work I was greeted by a co-worker with a reprimand, this co-worker is in no way my superior. She is someone I struggle with and one of a few women at work that seem to relish pointing out others faults. The conversation went something like this:
Co-worker, "Hi. How are you?"
Me, "Oh fine. How about you?"
CW, "It's been quite the morning." (This is all said in a chipper voice with a smile on her face.)
Me, "Bad?"
CW, "Yes. On Thursday night you ran the wrong tape from the cash register and that totally screwed up today. So, you really need to watch out for that."
Me...completely taken aback, I remain silent. I've worked at this job for two and a half years and I've never run the cash register tape incorrectly. I'm not denying the fact that I made the mistake, but I did not need a talking to.
CW continues, "But, other than that the day's been fine."
Me...mentally sighing and taking a deep breath. After my co-worker left for lunch I happened to glance at the cash register and there next to the key position for running the correct register tape at the end of the night is a teeny-tiny blue square of tape. As if, after this long I have suddenly become an idiot and don't know how to close out the cash register. This sort of encounter is very difficult for me to deal with. I 100% know that I make mistakes, but I am intelligent and the work I do at the library doesn't take a whole lot of intelligence but some of the women there make such a big deal out of minor little thing. I really have to hold my tongue.

But back to turning 30. I guess I need to embrace whatever comes next and try to fill my life and time with positive living. Back in August as I realized how close the end of my 20s truly was, I set out to make some positive changes to my daily schedule. I now get up by 5:30 a.m. (on my early work days, a bit later for my other days) and do 20-30 minutes of yoga and my daily devotions before Jeremy gets up and I prepare breakfast. I'd originally hoped to add some writing time in there as well, but so far my brain isn't alert enough to do that. However, this small change has made a big difference in the way I approach my day. And it's reminded me to stay more calm throughout the day as I interact with co-workers, argue with patrons about fines, and try not to be embarrassed by kiddos. (An aside, really, it's not all bad. There are just phases.)

I've rambled on long enough about all of this. If you've read this far, well, thanks for listening. :) Tomorrow I start to learn to embrace a new decade of life that will include my many imperfections, as well as my daily attempts at positive living.

Here's to the beauty of October--a month that I'm happy I was born in--and another year of life with God daily directing my path!

August Reading

My August books were largely forgettable (perhaps that was my fault for picking so many memoirs) but I enjoyed them while reading. Of course, Anne of the Island didn't disappoint.

I did copy down a few quotes from the most thought provoking book I read this month by Alan Jacobs, The Pleasures of Reading in an Age of Distraction. What pleased me about this slim volume was the author's opinion that reading should be enjoyable and not just based off of a list. Sometimes I feel guilty about the "frivolous," but just plain enjoyable books I read, while so many others are embarking on massive reading lists largely comprised of classic titles. I wonder if I'm wasting my time and my brain. While I truly enjoy reading classics, I don't care to read them only. I believe wholeheartedly that there are worthwhile books that have been written in my lifetime and I want to read a variety. So, as Jacobs exhorts, I read at whim. And while reading from The Best of...lists might strike your fancy, I'd also like to suggest that you pick a few books up merely to read at whim.


Quotations from The Pleasures of Reading in an Age of Distraction:

Read what gives you delight--at least most of the time--and do so without shame.

So the books are waiting. Of this you may be confident: they'll be ready when the whim strikes you.

The existence of the text is a silent existence, silent until the moment in which a reader reads it. Only when the able eye makes contact with the markings on the tablet does the text come to active life. All writing depends on the generosity of the reader. (Alberto Manguel)

Our goal as adults is not to love all books alike, or as few as possible, but rather to love as widely and as well as our limited selves will allow.


Completed August Reading List:

The Pleasures of Reading in an Age of Distraction by Alan Jacobs
Tolstoy and the Purple Chair by Nina Sankovitch
My Year With Eleanor by Noelle Hancock
Anne of the Island by L.M. Montgomery
Planting Dandelions by Kyran Pittman
Yoga Bitch by Suzanna Morrison
29 Gifts by Cami Walker

Read for Work:
The Name of This Book is Secret by Pseodonymous Bosch
How to Be a Pirate by Cressida Cowel
How to Train Your Dragon by Cressida Cowel

My Nephews

My awesome, funny nephews.

Three readerly brothers...

and one little, smiley guy, still figuring out the reading thing.

My Family

I want to show some family photo love...

My Parents

My Siblings

Technically there are lots more amazing people in the family now, but way back when, it was "just" the nine of us. :)

Some things that have made me smile...

Isn't this bowl of cherry tomatoes beautiful?



For over a year I've been looking for a cabinet or shelf to fit in a narrow space next to my stove--I found this vintage cabinet at the thrift store for $10 and it fits perfectly! Hurray for more storage space.



Although I didn't really need a new purse, I scored this awesome green one for under $4 at the thrift store! I was pretty excited, as I recently passed up a purse at Kohl's I really liked because I couldn't justify spending $15 on myself.

July Reading

July was a light reading month. I can't pin-point why, but I just didn't get through much in general, or much of great consequence. I re-read The Book Thief, which is a marvelous book and well worth reading at least once. And I listened to Anne of Avonlea. (I'm hoping to work my way through the series throughout the rest of this year.)

In place of a brief book review, I want to give you two quotes from my reading this month. Beautifully written sentences make me happy.

My few English words were blades of grass plucked from a meadow. To learn a new language would be like mowing that meadow blade by blade. (from When We Were Strangers by Pamela Schoenewaldt)

She felt the stirring of creative impulse, but didn't act on it right away; she must coax it from its hiding place, like a fox from its den. (from The Lace Makers of Glenmara by Heather Barbieri)


My Completed List:

Mrs. Pollifax on Safari by Dorothy Gilman
Anne of Avonlea by L.M. Montgomery (audio)
The Violets of March by Sarah Jio
The Book Thief by Markus Zusak
The Lace Makers of Glenmara by Heather Barbieri
When We Were Strangers by Pamela Schoenewaldt

A conversation at 6:20 a.m.

Me: We need to order a new filter for this. (referring to sink filtration system)

Jeremy: We need to send you back to school.

Me: Why?

Jeremy: Because you have a good mind.

Me: What does that have to do with the water filter?

Jeremy: I don't know. I just thought about it.


Obviously we don't always communicate clearly, especially over breakfast early in the morning. :)